"Steam" by Yuzuki Nose
The following is a transcript of a fictional piece of fiction from the film *Happy Hour* directed by Ryusuke Hamaguchi. I claim no responsibility or rights to this work. Please click here for my take on the film.
I knew it because I couldn't stop looking. It was as if my eyes fell for him first. That's why I still remember it clearly, the pocari blue of Shimada's t-shirt from a year ago. I'm remembering for the first time in a while his blue t-shirt and slightly nasal voice. It's because I'll be seeing him today.
Outside the window, lush leaves follow us and move from the right to left of a window frame. All I can see outside is the green, and I'm not sure where I am. I feel like summer plays up all sorts of things. The scenery flashes by. Slowly, the landscape outside becomes nonparallel to the window frame. My body feels heavy on the left as I look out.
The train is climbing the hill. I transfer at the next stop. Then, it's one stop to my destination. The train slowly takes a corner, and I see a black hole ahead. A rail track shoots to the hole with greenery on both sides. It's such a clean straight line that I wonder if there's a way back. Without much change, the end of the scenery comes closer and then passes by me. I just watch that repeat. Among the train's clickety-clacks, I hear the kettle-like sound of the whistling wind.
We enter a tunnel. Like an explorer with a headlamp, the train only lights up a small area ahead. Inside, the tunnel undulates in brown like the back of a throat. After a while, I see white light ahead. As we approach it, brown, green, and blue come into sight and form a scenery. Looking at that, I suddenly understood that humans saw the world through light. Actually, it surprised me that such realization just hit me right then. The end of the tunnel nears and we come out.
We're at Arima Hot Springs. I saw Akane as I exited through the ticket gate. There were other researchers and I saw Shimada among them. His t-shirt wasn't blue but white today.
"Yayoi-chan!" Akane waves with a smile. I wave back.
We're classmates in college, but she's a year older. I call her Akane-San, and she calls me Yayoi-chan. I use "San" to show my respect, which disappoints her since we're classmates. But I like it because we sound like an old married couple.
I'm not studying geology. But Akane invited me again this year, so I decided to join them. We're staying at Arima for a few days to study the faults.
"Good morning. Thanks for having me again." I addressed the whole group on purpose.
I looked back and found our leader Professor Ogata. We probably took the same train, but he was just exiting the gate.
Shimada is a fast walker. He's faster than I am. And faster than most people, most of the time. That's why I'm usually looking at his back. That's okay because our eyes are placed in front of us. Besides, watching him walk can be quite interesting. His body hops up when he takes a step, moving his shoulders a lot. His walking style makes him look happy even if he isn't. Hopefully, it won't work against him.
I hear a fault research is all about walking. The detective-like idea made me laugh last year.
I went to the bath hall a bit later. A fairly small space was full of people. I was surprised at how crowded it was. But strangely, several shower stalls were open. I thought about looking for Akane but I didn't want to stare at naked people.
I chose a stall with nobody on either side and scurried over. I tried to keep my body movements to a minimum while I quickly washed my hair and my body. I couldn't see through the brown bath water so I used my feet to feel the steps to enter. Being careful not to bumpy my little toes, I moved quite slowly. Befitting the name "golden bath," fine gold particles floated in the tub. I enjoyed the soak unlike the bath back home and watched the particles. They reminded me of an old soup stock cube that didn't dissolve completely.
I placed a folded towel on my head and lowered my body. I took a breath and looked up. The ceiling continued past a wall, which separated the women's bath from the men's that existed in the same space. I heard voices from the men's bath but they were in Chinese and I didn't understand. I decided that's why it was noisier in here than how it looked.
Later, Shimada came by the coffee shop. He sat next to us and was talking to Akane about today's field work.
"When are you marrying your girlfriend?" Akane asked him.
"Probably when I save up more," Shimada answered.
I already knew that he had a girlfriend and that they would probably get married. So, I didn't look surprised nor pay much attention. I watched a horse race replaying in slow motion.
When I left, I realized how shallow my breath had been. I breathed deeply in and out. The night wind felt cooler than earlier. Maybe it was because my body got warm from the bath. I could still taste the acidity of coffee.
I returned to my room and laid down. Looking at the ceiling, I thought about what happened earlier. I thought I was relieved I didn't tell him my feelings, but that wasn't it. And it wasn't that I was regretting it, either.
Without falling in love, I didn't feel the need to touch, the joy of being next to Shimada's daily life. Maybe I couldn't feel the need. Perhaps at the time, I just wanted to do something to surprise Shimada. But then, I couldn't figure out why I was looking at Shimada. Keeping my eyes open didn't feel helpful, so I closed my eyes. But nothing changed.
I woke up early the next morning and decided to take another bath. I still had time before check-out. The bath hall was quiet. Plenty of people were already there, but the quiet atmosphere remained in the changing room and the bath room. I was able to take my time disrobing and slowly washed my body.
All sorts of naked bodies walked in as I soaked in the bathtub. A short child, a tall adult, and a short adult. Pale skin, tanned skin, large breasts, small breasts, skinny legs, fat legs, a wrinkly neck, a big belly, a large beauty mark, and grizzled hair.
You notice various colors and shapes in diverse bodies when you're naked. These bodies belong to different people. But when they all gather, you realize how our bodies are just the combinations of various body parts. Had I been a daughter of a butcher and lived near the ocean, I would have...
Would I have been the girl with a chubby tummy and tanned skin? All I saw in front of me were those different possibilities. Are those choices to be made, or have they been made? Are the choices made now or in the past? These bodies are mingling and doing their own thing. They enter the tub through white steam, wash their bodies, and walk around.
Surrounded by these bodies, I felt I could like myself more. Although my knee is bent, it remembers my 22 years much better than I can. This knee is mine. That's how I feel now. I was getting dizzy, so I got out of the tub. My body felt lighter. The notion of my own body and my actual body finally matched in shape and content.
Everyone wanted to stay longer and shop for souvenirs, but I went ahead alone and got on a train home. The scenery from my trip here replayed backwards. Touching the back of my neck, I could feel my body starting to cool off from my spine.
A baby started to cry. The ripping sound echoed throughout the train. The mother was trying to calm the baby. But I wanted the baby to cry more. I wanted to praise the baby's loud voice. I began to feel anxious in the back of my throat and in my back. So, I clenched my jaw. I was thinking about Shimada. A ray of sun was falling on the floor. I wanted to keep it all. This body of mine, the baby's cry, the train and the scenery...Save them in a plastic container.